How do you slice your pie?

(Or a non-scientific way to chart who you think about each day.)

(This is a post I avoided writing for a while, because sometimes I feel like this particular idea can feel small. Limiting. But I think if its well explained, it’s actually liberating, and real. I’ll give it a try.) 

I think that we all have our pie. 

What I mean by this is that on most days, we think about just a handful of people. That handful is so small that we can probably all represent it quickly on a pie chart. I’ll show you what I mean, starting with the person I think about the most. 

Figure 1.1 Aaron demonstrating how selfish he is. 

I know how that looks. But before you judge me, your pie may be similar. 

But back to me. I think about myself a lot each day. That I’m hungry. Or how I really nailed that coffee I made this morning. Or whether that idea I’m working on is good. What others think about me. Why I said that silly thing yesterday to that person. A thousand other things. 

Of course I think about my wife Kaitlin a bit each day. I quite like her. And my kids, I think about them too. 

So, they all get a fair slice of pie. Which doesn’t leave much. 

Figure 1.2 Biggish slices for my little crew. 

So, who else gets a slice of my mind? I love my wider family; they’re great. But do I think about them all daily… No sir. But to keep the peace, I’ll average it out and give them a little slice. Then I’ve got a few people I’m collaborating on projects with, so a little wedge for them. And the last little bit has to go to some friends. I’ve got loads of buddies around the world, but let’s say there is a handful that I think about a lot, enough to get some pie. 

Figure 1.3 Oh god, I needed a smaller font for the last three. 

Now, I think the great trick of social media over the last decade or so is that many of us have come to believe that there are plenty of other people out there in the world who are thinking about us often. They care where we holiday, what our house looks like, the jobs we work, the clothes we wear, the restaurants we eat at, and what we do with our lives. But, according to the pie theory, they just don’t. They are thinking about the few people in their pie. Not us.

(I think the outlier to this pie theory is if you are caring for someone at the start of their life, like a baby or young child, or someone nearing the end, like someone very sick. People at life moments like this rightly take up a lot of your pie.)

Like I said that this could all feel a bit depressing and isolating. But I’ve found it quite liberating. If I want to live deliberately, I should make decisions based on my pie - think about what ‘I’ want to do with my life, not what I think other people might think is cool (because they aren’t thinking anything probably). I should also think about what my decisions mean for my wife and kids and what they might think because I reckon I make it onto their pies too. Then, I might call on a few buddies and family members.

If you are reading this, I know I probably don’t make your daily thought pie, and that’s cool. I just hope you make more decisions that take into account the people on your pie rather than the others who don’t get a slice.